im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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