Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
