My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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