If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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