We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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