I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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