Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He literally asked permission to hit on me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
