Just took my morning after pill in the library
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
