I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
