omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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