she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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