please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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