ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
