What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
