thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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