did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
