so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
