I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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