She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
