You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
