I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
