Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How does one acquire holy water?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
