I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
