why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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