Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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