I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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