If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
