I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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