Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
