I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
