I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I smell stomach acid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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