Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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