sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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