So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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