I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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