end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize