You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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