Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
