elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
