after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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