so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
