I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
