I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
