Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize