my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
