How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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