just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
