but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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