I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
