I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize