how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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