i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
