Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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