i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
