puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
