shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
