is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
