my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
