I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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