so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
