FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize