Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
