y did u give ur computer a hand job?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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