I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
