could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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