Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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