You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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