Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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