I puked a lego.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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