I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just forgot I was standing up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
