I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
