I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
