as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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