You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
