Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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