If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
