speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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