and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
