we have pet lesbian snakes
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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