You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
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