someone threw a dead crab at me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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