I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize