I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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