did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
