so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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