South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's always time for handjobs
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
