We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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