my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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